Where have I been?

Hello again, readers of this blog. It's been a few months since my last post where I discussed the issues that Stella and I have with Apple. However, that's not the reason I've been radio silent on here for a bit.

Content warning: talks of suicide and death. Reader discretion is advised.

A big move

A little bit after the previously mentioned blog post, CADIndie left Michigan in search of more opportunity, leaving Stella and I in a bad spot with no real reason to remain in Michigan. When the lease for the apartment ended, we decided it would be best for us to move back to her hometown in Colorado. Packing our stuff up and ditching anything else, we set out and hit the square state in a few days.

That was... not the hardest part of the move, for me at least. It was very jarring to suddenly be thrust into a different world with different expectations, especially when we didn't have a place to call home other than a friend's living room. My mental health issues started to become more apparent, and I came very close to breaking the promise I made to Stella, which was to not kill myself. I worked harder on Malachite in the meantime, hoping to build credibility and also give others more of a reason to subscribe to my Patreon if they wished.

While I still have issues I need to deal with, a lot of the stressors from before have... toned down. We've moved into our own place, for one, and I also have people I can talk to when I'm not feeling all that great. I've also found other things to do in order to make myself feel a bit better.

A hidden friend

The story between Chiara and I didn't just involve just us. There was a third friend of ours that we spent our days with, but neither of us ever mentioned her in public. She preferred the secrecy when it came to her identity, and it's one of the main reasons she was so good at protecting the both of us when she could. She even followed me from California to New York, and then to Michigan.

Her name was Rose, and she passed away a few weeks ago. The pain of her loss still lingers, and I'm still slowly picking up the pieces of my heart from the impact. Even when I pushed her away after Chiara died, she still stayed near me, watching over a grieving teenager who thought they were completely alone. She wanted me to know that she still cared, and that she didn't want her death to make me shut down like I did before.

So instead, she gave me permission to speak about her, and about the stories of our collective past that I haven't ever elaborated on, even with Stella. I'm still trying to figure out the best way to do this, and still need time to really process that she's gone... but I can at least definitively say that those memories are going to be in this blog in the future.

DTK who?

A few months back, dosdude1 released a video detailing Apple's A12Z Bionic DTK - how Apple handled them when they were returned, and how there was still a possibility to repair and use them. Of the few units that dosdude1 was able to save, one of those was sent to Stella and I. While we work on other things for it, I decided to take the time to move the services from my 2014 Mac mini to it. I'll be detailing what I've done with the DTK more in a future blog post.

Malachite updates

One of the things I was doing a lot of to keep my mind off of things was working hard on Malachite. I added a lot of features over the course of the past few months, although lately the DTK has been taking my time. You can check out what's changed since the last TestFlight build here, and grab yourself a seat on TestFlight here. Once I resolve getting Malachite to build on the DTK, I'll start working on it quite a bit more.

Equipment changes

As I said in my last blog post, I've inherited Stella's M1 Max 16-inch. I have also upgraded to an iPhone 16 Pro Max since developing for Camera Control is not possible with the iOS simulator (and because my 15 Pro Max was Very Much Worse™️ compared to my 14 and, now, 16.) As I said above, the DTK has replaced my 2014 Mac mini for server duties as well. My iPad is the same iPad Pro (12.9-inch, 2nd generation) that Stella sold to me in 2023 for $80, although we ended up grabbing a new Apple Pencil (1st generation) for it so I could write.

My personal desktop PC was also giving me issues, so I decided to throw its RAM and original CPU into our current server, now switching to Stella's computer for gaming and... anything else I need Windows for.

Vtubing and the future

I... still want to get into vtubing. Just the other day, I was tweaking my model's features. The only reason I haven't done much for it is because of self-confidence. Before Stella came to pick me up, I would make sure that I was always alone when speaking the scripts to my videos, or doing any of my streams. As much as I love and trust Stella, I still have self-consciousness with my voice, and it has actually gotten worse (not because of her, but because of my own expectations.)

To the point where I don't want to speak in my videos or my streams at all.

I don't think that many people would mind if I was a silent vtuber instead of speaking out loud, but I'll be asking the members of my Discord server for some comment on this to be sure. If I do go through with this plan, though, I'd need to figure out a good way to get information out when speaking would have been the best option.

TL;DR It's complicated right now, but I'll figure out out. I hope to get it resolved soon... for real this time.

A new era begins

It felt appropriate to end the Era of Sanctuary since the move was so taxxing on my mental health. The theme of the new era focuses on just that - my mental health, in a world where I'm not being watched anymore, standing up on my own and continuing to do my own thing with an uncertain future.

Since November 17, 2024, we have stepped into the Era of Survival.

Something new I'm doing with my Eras, I want to share the music that kept me together while I pushed forward through each of them. Here's the playlist I made for the Era of Sanctuary. I'll add these playlists to the front page under each Era section so you can get to them anytime.

Final words

Thanks for reading all the way down to this part of the blog post! There's a lot of words above so I'm expecting some "too much words, congrats or sorry" in my server later. I appreciate the will to keep reading, and hope you all enjoy good days.

Take care,
- Eva