Goodbye, old friend.

Well, I said this on my Twitter a little bit ago, back on the 18th of this month. I announced that this little "era" of my life was ending, now that I was coming to terms with the death of my friend.

https://twitter.com/crystall1nedev/status/1582510433906622464

And now... well now it's actually the end. Not "it's ending" or "it's near". My future is here, and the past is... the past.

Even before 2020, she secretly knew that she wouldn't make it through a normal lifespan. She never told anyone until after she died, in a series of notes that she left for me to find to try and lift my spirits. She knew this... but still cared about others. About her family and friends.

So she created a story. A vision of a future where we fight alongside each other to create and inspire and blaze new trails and be who we are, do what we want to do and do it for the little guy. We both wanted this, and both planned on working together until we died.

She held onto this story, all the way until the end. Because she knew that it wasn't a story for her, it wasn't meant to be in the first place. She designed it for me to cling onto and have something to grasp when I was low, knowing that my mental health was declining over the years.

She was helping me pull forward, even if it drained her. Even at her end, she pulled as hard as she could, and I didn't understand why.

"Well," she said, in the last note. "We're good friends. Really, really good friends, and it's hard to say goodbye. We believed in each other for such a long time, but that was just building up to what you really need to believe in."

That thing that I needed to believe in. It's me.

It's been two and a half years since she lost her life, and I used to blame myself for not being there with her 24/7. But now... that feeling of pain and turmoil has washed away. It's been replaced by the feeling of happiness, for the memories she left and the fun times we had together. Replaced by hope, for a future that I can strive for to show her that I can do it. Most importantly, replaced by feeling like I'm worth it to myself.

So, this is it. This is the end. And there's still only one card left to place... and it's her jailbroken iPhone SE. I said I was going to put it away a few days ago but never really got around to it, possibly due to my not really dumping what I felt onto this post (and due to wanting to have some lore for my channel - I want to share with the world in a creative way.)

But now, I hold it in my hand. I look at the scuffs on the body, the smooth glass on the slightly water-damaged display. I turn it on to the wallpaper - her wallpaper, and smile at the memories that flood my vision as I remember our lives together. And now, I turn it off, laying it to rest in my important mementos box sitting on the top shelf of my room.

"Goodbye, old friend," I whisper. "I won't forget you."

Chiara was truly the definition of a hero. And even if this era is ending, it doesn't mean that her memory will. I'll carry it on until I physically can't anymore.

And who knows? Maybe somewhere in the world, someone will stand up for another, beginning a new era of friendship.

Eilionoir, out.